I'm drawing again - and I don't quite have the words for how my heart feels.

Well.

When I said I can’t explain how my heart feels - that’s not entirely true. 

Expansive.

Lit up

Hopeful.

It feels like coming home to my soul after a long time away.

The creativity feels like it’s flowing after a long period of survival, and I’m ready to start playing with life again - being a Creator in a way that had felt inaccessible mere months ago - and an unwillingness to be or have anything different than a Creator.

An unwillingness to settle and “keep on keeping on” - because there’s something else with my name on it. 

Saying Yes to myself in that way - even this quietly with a short sketch - was the most empowering thing I’ve done in months, and it felt like an act of hope and rebellion and putting my ass where my heart wants to be.

Part of me is thinking - “aw dude. You shouldn’t have shared that. It doesn’t even look like much of anything.”

“It’s messy.”

“It’s a bit rubbish.”

And I’m determinedly telling that voice to fuck off.

And I’m doing it anyway.

Because it’s the truest thing I can think of.

This coming home feeling - like she’s been waiting for me all along - and like the desert period was required so I would know and remember what flow and inspiration feels like, and can clearly tell the difference. 

This little drawing made me want to cry because it came so easily.

Like it had been waiting there for me for a long time.

I always receive images.

Listening to music, audiobooks, people telling stories, etc…

There’s always sequences or images or something happening in my head,  - at least there had been.

Until a couple years ago.

It was like my creativity dried up and collapsed.

Died.

Disappeared.

And I hadn’t realized how bereft it felt until I started feeling the pull again.

The first trickle of electricity.

Impulse.

An inhale on a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.

What started it?

Hard to say. 

In addition to an even more committed spiritual practice and daily energy healing…

Embodied movement, and re-connecting with myself and my worthiness. (Big ups to BPE with Brittini Burton!! xx)

And Life Visioning with Michael Beckwith - 

During that process was the first time in nearly two years that I started receiving images again, along with any kind of impulse to jot them down.

Two years.

And I remembered friends, and artists, authors, who I’ve followed, and mentioning going through “dry” periods, for lack of a better term.

Where it’s just not there.

And there’s a questioning.

A doubt. 

And for me, a wanting to try to force things, when they’re really just not bloody there. 

And a frustration.

Hopelessness.

And a deep sadness.

Thanking:

Maybe that was it?

…There’s nothing left. 

Until there is.

Because I certainly wasn’t expecting this to come back, and was quite ready to move on with my calling as a healer - and what I’m now getting?

That’s it’s going to be all of it.

I’m not certain how this, my, art and creative practice, intuitive work, healing chops, are all going to tie in together - and that’s what it is.

With a knowing in my cells. 

It’s all of it.

And that every seeming mis-step, mis-take, fumbles, and detours, have all somehow led me here, to the perfect place to keep creating.

And I’m excited to keep on this journey and share it with you. :)

With love,

-Kate

xx